Wednesday 25th July 2018

Good afternoon!

Saturday night was amazing! I spent time with great friends, had fun and got home safely.

Sunday was spending time with my two dogs. They are also my best friends! Going for nice long walks and cooking all three of us Sunday lunch (vegetarian for me).

These are the ties I totally enjoy, these are the times I can truly relax and enjoy myself. It has taken a long time to get back to this after my attack last year. It took me right back to the beginning of a time that I wanted to forget and move on from, but I have learnt to accept it and use it for good. I can use my journey to assist others through theirs so they don’t feel so alone.

Mental illness still holds a stigma even though we are doing well regarding talking about it more and more. I was diagnosed with depression years ago and still dip now and again, after last year, I was diagnosed with PTSD as well. Having ‘labels’ does not define me or make me a weak person. In fact, it empowers me, because when I get ‘ill’, and I have learnt to spot my own personal red flags, I know what safety measures to put it into place. If it means having to take a day off work, I take it. I try not to stress about money because the simple fact is that if continue then I will end up having a longer period off from work. Which isn’t great as I thoroughly enjoy my work which is supporting others. But how can I support others if I cannot look after myself?

Sometimes, we have to be more self-aware in order to help others, that if we have that inclination. I find it sad when I meet people who are so wrapped up in themselves they are oblivious to others pain, they are only interested in their own self-interests and greed and it does not matter who they step on or hurt to get what they want.

So, just for today, be kind to someone else, smile at a stranger, help someone., give your time.

 

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Saturday 21/07/2018

So today is my weekend off, YAY! I get every other weekend off in my line of work, not that I am complaining. I am going to go tonight with friends to celebrate the completion of my Degree. So far this week I have been updating my CV and sending to anyone and everyone that  I hope will read it. I sent it to my HR department at my current employer so we will see where that leads as well. I feel frustrated because other colleagues who have completed theirs have gone on to their dream jobs, but because mine is so generalised, it isn’t as easy for me to do that. Lesson number 1000080, do not compare yourself to others!

I did some meditation to try to unblock my emotions as I have felt angry, sad and frustrated (as above). But my good friends have come to rescue me once more. We can go for months without seeing each other and then we do, we pick up where we left off. It was the same with the two friends that I haven’t seen in over ten years. We met up two weeks ago, and it was amazing how, even after all this time and life experiences, we had so much in common. This just goes to show that it is quality and not the number of friends that we should have. We may look ‘popular’ with our 3000 friends on social media. But do we really know them and do they really know us? I will guess that the answer will be ‘NO.’

Although social media can be used for excellent things, it can also cause a lot of harm. Young people can view their success purely by the number of likes, shares and comments that they receive on their social platforms when really they should be looking at what support and love they have physically around them. Wouldn’t it be great if we could tell someone who they are liked and loved in person, than just through a computer? Maybe once a week shut these platforms off and spend a day just doing that.

Today, wherever you go, carry the intention of peace, love, and harmony in your heart.

 

Photo by Hannah Nelson from Pexels

The story so far…

Everyone has a story to tell, mine may be no different to yours. However, we can all learn from each other and that in itself can be helpful.

Today I find myself at a crossroads. Ten years ago I moved from my hometown to another ‘country’, I  put that word in commas because it is still part of the UK, but it does, indeed, have its own language, so, therefore, I am respectful to that.

I ran a business for six years, and during that time, my life was nothing, but filled with drama and disappointment. Within the first two years, I found myself in a marriage that was not fit for purpose. His sole purpose was money, cash was seen going into the register behind the bar, and that was his focus. Two months into our marriage, he got handy with his fist, yes you can see where this is going but it is not a ‘woe me’ story. During this period, the bank decided to do the dirty and sold all our pubs off and left us in limbo land. Long story short, a kind man purchased my pub and wanted me to stay

After fifteen months of marriage, I ended up in the hospital with lacerations to my head and bruises. The union was done, a court case and a restraining order later, I found myself in another toxic relationship. He was back and forth all the time, but as I was still recovering from the last one, I began to think it was me. So I put up with it for three years!

During this time, I went through ill-health, a significant operation and due to not being able to work, I had no choice but to tell the nice man who now owned my pub that I had to leave. He was okay with this, and so my toxic partner and myself went. Due to ill health, I could not work, so I was climbing the walls. It just was not me! But the time off was what I needed. I learnt to write, I did online courses and eventually found a job in an entirely different sector from what I was used to, which was hospitality and entertainment.

During my time in this sector, I fell in love with it, I decided to start a Degree, which was a shock to me when I was accepted! I was always told in my primary school that I was slow and that I would not amount too much, but hey! Here I was studying for a Degree!  After four years hard slog, I finally accepted my BA Honours in Health and Social Care on the 18th July 2018.

This is only a quick and brief outline. Otherwise, we would be here all day. But you get the gist. My individual pages will go into it more and hopefully, you will enjoy the journey and share your experience with me.

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

I decided to do an online diary to help me see how far I have come in my own life and to, hopefully, help others. My last ten years have been very dramatic, sad and hopeful and I now find myself at another crossroads where I need to make a decision on where my path is heading.  To get to this crossroads, I have jumped, limbo’d (sp?) and climbed over many hurdles and mountains. I hope you can join me and share your experiences as well.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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